Mexico odds and ends

Item #1 - Thievery - This past week my house was robbed as reported earlier. The local police were useless so I contacted a cholo friend who owes me a favor. He said he would ask around. So he comes to my house the next day and says he knows the local ‘King of Thieves.’ This guy can break into anything and has a big warehouse full of stolen merchandise. He kind of oversees the local thief community and acts as a fence to buy and sell stolen merchandise.

My cholo friend called him and asked the guy if they had ‘received’ a digital camera with case and cables. The ‘king’ asked if this camera was in a special felt bag which I had custom made to protect the screen, yes, that was it and yes ‘they’ had it.

This ‘king’ asked how much I’d pay to get it back. I told my friend to tell the ‘king’ that I wouldn’t pay a damn thing, but I would contact my seriously badass cholo friends in Guadalajara and ask them to come out here and do some ass kicking, how’s that for a finders fee. My friend told this to the ‘king’ and asked him to return the camera as a personal favor. The king agreed…that was 3 days ago now and the guy has promised to bring it by but so far, nothing.

Item #2 - Assassins - While buying burritas at a local cafe, Estelle the owner told me about a year ago a Senor Vargas who lived about 5 houses from the plaza where the police station is, was found dead in his house, his stomach cut open, intestines pulled out and his eyes ripped out and not found in the house. The police never caught the guy. / When I first came here, I was told the cops have a rule of ‘no problemas’…if you caused too many problems they would kill you and dump your body on a country road to be found by whoever passes by. Two american wild teenagers came here to stay with friends, entered the local church, climbed the altar and put a lit cigarette in the mouth of the Virgin. They were found in the church hallway with their throats cut as a lesson for disrespecting the culture.

Item #3 - Weirdenss - The late chief of police got into an argument with his oldest and favorite son who was about 24. The son took off mad in his pickup and rolled it which killed him. The chief mourned and stayed very drunk for about two weeks, then put a pistol in his mouth and blew the top of his head off blaming himself for causing his son’s death. / A mexican man from Guadalajara was estranged from his wife and grieving so he checked into a local hotel and stayed drunk all the time and told them only enter his room when he asked for it for cleaning. He didn’t ask for several days, no one had seen him and the neighbors complained of a stench, they found him dead and bloated. / Only 3 weeks ago a painter from Guadalajara was on top of a two story building using a roller paintbrush to paint the building face. The roller brush had a metal extension handle and he happened to brush it against the electrical power wires, which in mexico HAVE NO INSULATION, so the current fried him where he lay. An american friend of mine heard a moaning and saw the man leaning over and jerking, some guys pulled him down, he went to a hospital in Guad and died. / An american named Grady died a few months ago, he loved to tell stories and stir up mischief. One day a ‘newbie’ american was complaining how boring it was here. Earlier Grady had seen a circus enter town and go down the main road where they setup camp so they could do their traditional parade. Grady told this bored guy it wasn’t boring here and you could see almost anything eventually. He said why I’ll bet you $10 that today you will see an elephant walking down the street. The man laughed and said I’ll take that bet. They sat there talking and drinking coffee about 15 minutes and here came the elephant. The guy had been setup and had to pay the $10. / A mexican lady had a late model small pickup truck parked on the street in front of her house. At night someone removed the tailgate of the truck. Knowing the ropes here, she drove into Guadalajara to the Calle de Ladrones (Street of Thieves) and went by various bazaars til she found her tailgate which had scratches and dents she had made in it. She told the owner it was hers and he asked how much she’d pay for it. She told him she’d pay nothing, it was hers and she was taking it. He told her not without paying and if you cause problems, NEXT TIME, we’ll steal your whole truck, so she bought a new tailgate elsewhere and wrote the old off as a loss…y mas, y mas cuentos (more and more stories).

Updated 01/13/08 - King of Thieves returns Camera - My friend came by today with the camera and bag of cables. He said the king didn’t actually have the camera but he knew who did, so they drove around til they found the guy and he admitted to having it. The king told him give it to him, the guy said for $200, the king told him GIVE IT TO ME, its my camera. This king is very big and muscular, like a football player who dwarfed the thief, so the thief gave it up and my friend brought it to me. But the king did give him 20 pesos ($2) just as a courtesy I guess. I gave my friend 100 pesos for the gas expended in tracking this down and will give him a reward for bringing it back to me.